The Thorns That Pierce my Heart
by xXKouhaku-ChanXx
Summary: Alan Humphries hates his job as a Grim Reaper. It's always the same: research his target, and after a few days, collect the souls and cinematic records to be stored at the Shinigami Dispatch Society. He often thought of leaving...until he meets Eric. Alan is instantly attracted, so how will he cope when Eric disappears suddenly without warning? YAOI, Two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This fanfic is based (very) loosely on the Kuroshitsuji II Musical. Things WILL end differently than in the musical. I do not own Black Butler, nor any songs used. Hope you enjoy!**

XOXO

'The memories of dead stars  
are still shining in the sky.  
Someday, I too, want to  
become somebody's light.

I've been on a long trip,  
dragging along a lonely shadow...

I was born alone in this world  
and alone I will die.  
If this is my fate,  
why are tears coming out of my eyes?'

xxx

Alan raised his arms above his head and stretched as he sat perched on the roof of a building, bright sunlight reflecting off his glasses while he gathered information on his newest target. He was a Grim Reaper, and his job was to collect the souls and cinematic records of humans who were scheduled to die. They would then be taken to the Shinigami Dispatch Society to be stored. He had been doing the same thing for many years, and needless to say, Alan hated it with a passion. Although he often thought of leaving, he would never say it out loud. Besides, he had more important things to worry about. Like his sickness, for example. It was rumored that the 'Thorns of Death' could be cured, but only by commiting a sin; collecting one-thousand pure human souls. Though Alan would never dream of actually doing it, even if it wasn't just a fairy-tale.

Alan was bored, and upon spotting his target, moved in quickly to gather the soul and cinematic records. He just wanted to return back to headquarters as soon as possible and be done with work for the day. It wasn't like he'd be doing anything different on the next day, and the day after that. And so on... Such was the long life of a shinigami.

xxx

As Alan made it back to headquarters, he was greeted by Grell Sutcliff, one of the more annoying reapers that seemed to practically live at work. He was slightly taller than Alan, had long, flowing flame-red hair, porcelain-like skin and wore bright red glasses connected to a small chain with a small skull on each side. His eyes were bright yellow-green surrounded by thick eyelashes. His clothing consisted of a long, bright red jacket, a light gray vest over a white long-sleeved under shirt with a red and white striped ribbon used as a tie around his neck, tight black pants, and on his feet were red and black high heels. Alan thought the strange man looked more like a woman, and on more than one occasion, had heard Grell refer to himself as a female. The man was strange, indeed, but who was he to argue?

"Oh, why hello, Alan!" Grell wrapped an arm around the shorter man's shoulders, grin splitting wide and showing off his pointy shark-like teeth. "Will told me to fetch you. He said he needs to talk to you. But when I said that he could talk to me instead, he tossed me out of his office! Honestly, who treats a lady like that?!"

Alan smiled softly as he looked at Grell's pouting face. "Thank you, Grell-san. I'll go now, it wouldn't be wise for me to keep him waiting, right?"

"Of course, although I would keep him waiting. I just love it when he gets all mad, even though he gives me more work for it," Grell pouted again, but quickly recovered, sending a wink in Alan's direction as he skipped off, probably to go bother someone else.

Alan sighed. It was always the same. William-sempai would probably just tell him he had another assignment to accomplish within the next few days, but that would be fine. It's not like he could argue about it. Still, he wished that he could just leave, and never come back. Nobody would miss him, nor would anyone even ask about him. He felt like a ghost, just going through the motions and hoping something exciting would happen, if only just once. All of a sudden, a sharp pain went through his heart, instantly bringing him to his knees as he clutched his chest with one hand and placed his other hand on the floor in front of him. Compared to the other times this happened, it was a mild pain, but it still brought tears to his tightly shut eyes. His mind had been so overloaded with other thoughts that he hadn't realized that he already made it to William's office, the pain stopping him just outside the open door. In that moment, he was lifted to a standing position, and could hear faint talking from a voice he didn't recognize. As the pain subsided and his vision cleared, Alan trembled slightly and fell against the hard chest of whoever had helped him up. He lifted his light yellow-green eyes and saw his boss standing in the doorway of his office, a slightly concerned look on the elder's face. Realizing that he was still being held upright, Alan slowly pushed himself away from the heat engulfing him and straightened his jacket before speaking. "I'm...fine. Thank you, um..."

Alan's breathing slowed and grew shallow as he finally managed to look at the person who helped him up. The man was tall, maybe around 6'2 and had short, wavy light brown hair that stopped just past his broad shoulders, his bangs flipped from the right side and fell over his left eye. On the right side of his head were six small french braids that blended with the hair just behind his ear. He was slightly tanned, on his face were the standard spectacles that new recruits were required to wear, and just under his bottom lip was a closely trimmed beard that descended down his chin. His clothing consisted of a white long-sleeved shirt underneath an open black jacket, black tie hanging loosely around his tanned neck, black pants that seemed to cling to his muscular looking legs, and on his feet were shiny black leather shoes. This man was mesmerizing. It took Alan a moment longer to realize that William was speaking.

"-and he will be your partner from now on."

Alan looked at his boss and shook his head slightly. "Uh, I mean sorry, sir. But could you repeat that?" He watched as William sighed and dug through the paperwork in his hands. The older man opened his mouth to speak as he handed a black folder to Alan.

"This is Eric Slingby, and as of today, he is to be your partner. In that folder you will find all the information about your newest assignment. Starting tomorrow, you both will enter the world of the living to find out why there are so many unscheduled deaths occurring. I have already given Eric his Death Scythe. So that being said, I trust I can leave the rest to you?" William lifted one hand to push up his glasses, yellow-green eyes void of emotion.

A partner? Was he serious? Ah yes, William-sempai was always serious. But still...

"But sir, I don't need a partner. I work well enough alone. I'd hate to be a burden to any of you..." Alan lowered his gaze to the white floor beneath him, fighting back tears that he wanted nobody to see. Tears that were meant to be shed in the comfort of his own home, in the presence of no one but himself. Sad tears. Lonely tears. Tears of pain and sorrow...the only tears he had ever cried. "I-I... I don't..." Alan sighed and shrugged his shoulders, seemingly in defeat as he lifted his sad yellow-green eyes to look into his boss's eyes. He knew he couldn't argue with an order.

"Y-yes, William-sempai. I will read up on it right away."

"Very good. You may take as long as you need, although I would like for this ordeal to be wrapped up as soon as possible. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask."

"Of course, sir." Alan watched his boss retreat into his office and when the elder was out of view, he slumped his shoulders even more and sighed again. So much for being able to relax the rest of the day. He opened the folder and began reading when he felt a hand fall lightly on his shoulder, causing the younger man to nearly drop the paperwork.

"It's nice to meet you, Alan."

"Huh?" How had he even forgotten that such a captivating man stood less than a foot away from him? Alan turned his head towards the man beside him and openly stared for a moment too long, thus earning him a smile from the other reaper. "Oh, hello. It's Eric, right? I'm sorry about that, it's nothing against you. I just..."

Eric laughed and rubbed a hand through his soft-looking hair, and Alan found himself wishing that he could touch it, just to see if it was as soft as it looked. "Nah, you don't need to apologize. I understand you've been quite busy lately. William told me that you were always doing your job without questions or complaints, and I have to be honest, it sort of surprised me."

Surprised him? Did William tell him about...? "Uh, why would it surprise you? I just do my job like everyone else here, there's really nothing special about me." Alan began walking down the hall, Eric following close behind. Just knowing that the taller man was but a few inches away was enough to make him slightly uncomfortable. He didn't really understand what he was feeling, and although he didn't even know Eric, couldn't help but feel like he had known him all along. It was strange, and Alan didn't know what to think of it.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks as he was turned around, yellow-green eyes growing wide from shock. "There is something special about you, Alan. You may do your job like everyone else here, but..." Eric lifted a hand to Alan's face and pushed his bangs aside, the kind gesture completely catching the younger reaper off guard. "Not everyone here has the sickness. The fact that you still complete your assignments even though you are suffering...it's just amazing. I wish I could be like you. I wish I was the one suffering, and not you."

What? Was Eric serious? They were practically strangers, and here Eric was, confessing something like that?

Alan felt his face grow hot from the close proximity of their bodies, only just now realizing that Eric kept inching his face closer to his own. "Eric-san? You don't even know me, so why-?"

"Like I said, you are special. And even though you complete your tasks on time with no errors, it seems to me that people look down on you because of your sickess." Eric brushed a single tear from the younger reaper's face, smile warm and comforting. "Alan, listen to me. I want to help you, but there is only one way I can do so."

"W-what are you talking about-?" Surely, Eric didn't mean to kill humans who weren't on the 'to-die' list, just to collect one thousand pure souls. Doing so would basically label him a renegade, and he would be sought out and destroyed. Alan could feel his heart rate speeding up, which would only cause the thorns to pierce deeper. But some things just needed to be said. "Are you not aware that the killing of innocent humans is strictly forbidden? And even if it wasn't, the collection of a thousand souls to cure the thorns of death is just a fairy-tale. A myth. There's no way it could really be true- Aahh!" Alan clutched his chest and began sliding to his knees, but felt one arm drape around his waist as Eric placed his other arm under his legs, lifting the younger man up to keep him from falling.

"Alan, you need to calm yourself. You should rest, just sleep for a while." Eric placed his forehead softly against Alan's as he began walking in the opposite direction. "I will take care of you... You will never be a burden to me."

Alan could feel his body going limp in Eric's arms, and although he tried to fight it, his eyesight was getting blurry. His head fell against Eric's hard chest and he closed his eyes, wishing that he could go just one day without the pain.

XOXO

Wind blowing gently, quietly rustling through the trees, birds chirping happily as they fly from branch to branch, a sky so blue like the ocean and clouds fluffy and white like spools of cotton. That's where Alan found himself on more than one occasion, especially after he had an attack. It was peaceful and serene...tranquil even. There was never a sun in the sky, but Alan could still feel the warm rays all over his skin. At first, it was strange. The first few times Alan found himself here, he was afraid. He didn't know what to think about it. But as time went on, and the attacks on his heart grew more and more intense, Alan came to enjoy this place. The land all around him was full of flowers. Tulips and daffodils, white lillies and orchids. Even red and white roses bloomed around him. He had always adored flowers, for as long as he could remember. He had many different types of flowers growing in pots at his home. They just made him feel...well, like he could always care about something that would continue to grow and flourish with all the love he poured into them.

Alan turned his head up to the sky, closing his eyes as he stood there completely at peace. When he was in this place, the thorns couldn't hurt him. He never knew why, but he welcomed it like rain. Lowering his head, he began to walk forward. Slowly and calmly. He was looking for something; His absolute favorite thing about this beautiful place. As he walked, he saw his destination in the distance, getting closer and closer with every step he took. When he was close enough to see the flowers, he stopped. A giant tree with long, graceful looking limbs sat amidst a sea of flowers. Not just any flowers. Alan's favorite flowers... The Ericas were in full bloom, painting the ground around them a beautiful shade of purple. This was Alan's favorite thing about the mysterious place he always went to after an attack. He would always sit amongst the Ericas and brush his hand against them, and he would talk to them. As if they were listening, they would bob and shake even when there was no breeze, and it made Alan happy. He didn't really have friends, so he welcomed his time with the flowers he so adored. As he took another step forward, however, he noticed something odd. Something that had never happened before.

Leaning against the tree, arms crossed and head bowed, and surrounded by the Ericas...

...was Eric.

XXX

Alan woke with a start, breathing heavy and clutching his chest with fear that the thorns inside him would dig deeper into his heart with any move he made. When his breathing calmed, Alan leaned his head back and connected with something soft, probably a pillow...wait...he had no idea where he was. The lights around him were dimmed very low and with a turn of his head, he could see a table with two white candles that were almost completely burned down. Starting to panic, he tried to sit up, but was still weak from his last episode, so he just fell back against whatever he was laying on. Surely he wasn't still at headquarters...every room there was bright white. But this room, if that's what it was...well, all he could see were shadows due to low lighting, and he knew that if this was indeed headquarters, he would still be able to see the stark white of the walls even with the lights being dimmed. Lifting one hand to cover his closed eyes, he heard a sound. He wasn't sure what it was, but it sounded almost like the click of metal on metal. Slowly opening his eyes, he sat up and pushed himself all the way back until he met a hard surface, drawing his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He took this time to look around, and came to the conclusion that he was in what looked like a bedroom.

A bedroom that wasn't his.

Fear began to gnaw at his belly, his hands grew sweaty and his heart rate sped up drastically. Within seconds, Alan was clutching his chest with both hands, fighting the urge to scream and alert whoever had brought him here, and instead, fell over the side of the bed he was on and landed on the floor with a loud thud, thus knocking over piles of books scattered around. The pain...like someone was sticking hundreds of red-hot needles into his chest and twisting them in slow, agonizing circles. This was the worst attack in months, and since Alan was still weak from the last one, he couldn't move. All he could do was lie on the messy floor and clutch his aching chest as multiple books indented into his skin. It seemed like forever before he heard footsteps outside the cracked door, then was immediately bathed in bright light that only made the younger man wince and cry out at the intrusion on his eyes.

"Oh god, Alan!"

He recognized that deep voice. It was Eric that came rushing over to him; it was Eric that instantly wrapped tanned muscular arms around his slightly smaller body and carefully lifted him enough to sit him down on the edge of the bed. That's all he could think. His mind replaying one word over and over like a broken record.

Eric...Eric...Eric...

"What the bloody hell happened?! Oh god, I shoulda been in here with you, Alan I'm so sorry..."

Then Alan felt those strong arms wrap possessively around him, holding him tight against a strong chest that Alan quickly began to realize was naked. He tried to push himself away but was so weak that movement was fleeting. So he slowly leaned his head against the body in front of him. The older man was talking, but Alan heard none of it. Instead, his thoughts were running in circles and taking advantage of the fact that Eric...oh, god, Eric smelled so nice...his skin was slightly damp against Alan's cheek...and he felt water dripping onto his face. Alan had never been embraced like this by anyone in his long, miserable life, and for once...he truly felt wanted. Though he still held on to the fact that this man holding him so...intimately...had only just met him. But...Alan was unable to move. Nor did he want to. He wanted this forever. It felt so nice being held so tightly. When he felt fingers delve into his messy brown hair, Alan tensed his whole body. The feeling was so new, so...foreign...and it sent shivers racing through every inch of his body. Tears flowed freely now, and Alan tried to turn away from the searing heat of Eric's body if only to hide his face from the man so close to him, when he felt the roughness of Eric's fingers on his chin. Lifting his head up slowly, he was startled to see that he was face to face with Eric...their foreheads touching gently and causing Alan to bite his bottom lip.

"Please don't cry, Alan. I'm here now..."

Alan closed his eyes, tears still trailing down his slightly flushed face. He stiffened his body and sucked in a breath when he felt Eric's fingers sliding slowly down the middle of his back. When his eyes fluttered open, Eric smiled and leaned his face closer to the younger reaper. "E-Eric...?" Warmth consumed him when Eric lightly brushed his lips against Alan's, a strange kind of flaming spark shooting rapidly through his entire body that made the younger man arch his back and clutch on to Eric's shoulders as if his life depended on it. He was completely new to these feelings...but...he couldn't stop it. He was powerless in his present situation, and he didn't want it to end. But...Alan couldn't help but feel like it was a dream. A dream that felt so real and so...wonderful. When he felt Eric's tongue trace over his bottom lip, Alan gasped and closed his eyes, only to let his tears flow freely once again.

Eric pulled away quickly thinking that he may have over-stepped the line and grabbed Alan's hand, bringing it up to his lips, placing tender kisses all over it. "Alan...why are you still crying?"

Alan sighed deeply before shaking his head. He felt like a coward, an idiot, call him whatever you like. He wasn't going to let his dream go away. It was too nice to let it escape through his fingers, so he grabbed the back of Eric's neck with one hand and slid his other down the older man's naked chest. "I-I... I don't..." He blinked away the tears and stared directly into Eric's eyes. "Please...don't let me wake up!"

Eric smiled, then laughed softly, his chest and shoulders vibrating from the sound. "Alan, you're not dreaming. This is real. I want to make you feel things that might take your mind off the pain you deal with every day. Will you let me?"

"B-but...I...you don't know me... Why-"

"I want to know you. I want to spend every second getting to know you. Everything about you. I want to show you things and do things to you that you've never seen or felt before. You make me crazy with the way you look at me, or the way you stare off into the distance when you're out on assignment...as if you were imagining yourself somewhere far away from this hell... I've never felt this way about anyone before." Eric smiled, and Alan melted.

Turning his face away, Alan sighed again. "I saw you...in my dream. I don't know why or how it happens, but...every time the thorns dig into my heart, I find myself in this wonderful place...blue sky, the warmth from an invisible sun, and a single magnificent tree. But my favorite thing about that place... I know it may sound stupid but-"

"The flowers."

Alan whipped his head around quickly, the movement catching the older man off guard. "W-what?! How do you know?"

"I know you saw me. And I saw you. But I could never speak to you. Although I could hear everything you ever said. I could hear the sadness in your voice when you talked to the flowers..." Eric rubbed a hand through his hair, and Alan tried to scoot himself backwards.

"I don't know what it means, or why it even happened. All I know is that I want to be the one that takes care of you. And if you have no objections, I'd like to show you something."

Alan was beyond confused. Still...a part of him may have been a bit scared of the older man in front of him but the other part wanted nothing more than to give himself over to said man. To accept everything Eric may offer. "O-okay...what is it?"

Eric gently wrapped his arms around Alan's waist and carefully lifted him up, only to place the young reaper near the middle of the bed. "Lie on your back. I promise I won't hurt you."

Alan stiffened, and his heart rate began to speed up. He feared that the thorns would begin to pierce his heart again, so he tried to calm himself. He had no idea what to even think about the present situation...Eric was... Oh god, Eric is getting closer...He's on the bed now...He's right in front of me... "W-what are you doing?" Is this really happening?!

"Just relax, Alan. I'll make you feel good."

Alan watched helplessly as Eric, the man he had only just met, slowly crawled closer to him and placed his knees on either side of Alan's trembling legs. He could feel the heat from Eric's body radiating around him as the older man finally settled himself and hovered over his smaller body, the look in the older reaper's eyes a bit unsettling.

"Have you ever been touched before, Alan?" Eric lifted a hand to Alan's cheek, lightly trailing the backs of his fingers against his skin before settling it behind Alan's neck, gradually pulling his face closer. "I bet you haven't...I can do things to you that you've never experienced in your life. If you would only allow me..."

Alan shivered at the suggestive tone in Eric's gruff voice, and putting aside the fact that he knew this shouldn't have been happening, he tangled a fist into Eric's hair and slightly tugged. He wanted nothing more than to be thoroughly ravaged by the older reaper above him. This was the first time he felt excitement in all his life, and just the lightest touch made his skin crawl and his heart beat spastically. Letting thoughts of his sickness fly out the window, Alan gave in to the feelings running through him. Pulling Eric closer, he closed his eyes and covered Eric's lips with his own, the heat dancing between them almost unbearable. With an almost animalistic urge, Alan wrapped both arms around Eric's broad shoulders, sliding his tongue out to flick against Eric's bottom lip hungrily. He groaned deeply when he felt Eric's body press into his own and rolled his hips to gain more friction. The feelings he was experiencing were more than he could have imagined. The pleasure was consuming him, body, mind, and soul. He never wanted it to end...

However, fate was cruel, and the thorns began sinking deeper into his heart.

"AAAHHH!"

Alan broke the kiss and pushed Eric away roughly, sending the older reaper off the end of the bed. He stood up and clutched his chest with both hands, his legs shaking beneath him as he stumbled away from the bed and over to the door.

"Wait! Alan, you can't leave like this!" Eric ran over to the younger man and tried to pull him back but was shoved away like he was on fire. "A-Alan...?"

"L-leave...me...a-alone... I have to...I need... Gaaahh!"

The last thing he heard was Eric screaming his name as he collapsed to the floor, and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2: Fear of Losing You

Fandom: Kuroshitsuji. Main pairing: Eric x Alan. There will most likely be at least one more chapter after this one. Hopefully, I can get the rest of the story wrapped up in one final chapter, just not sure yet.  
I do not own Kuroshitsuji or the song used.

On with the story...

NOTE: I cried while typing this chapter. I hope it's not too depressing.

XXX

'To share your pain  
if that allows me,  
I will commit any sin.  
When you die,  
your icy cheek-  
I will kiss it once...

The Ericas adorning the coffins  
mean "loneliness" in the flower language.

I was born alone in this world  
and when the time comes,  
alone I will die.  
This is my fate-  
but why are tears rolling down my cheeks...?'

xxx

One year.

That's how long it had been since Eric watched helplessly as Alan, the only person Eric had allowed himself to get close to, collapsed in front of him. One year since Eric first saw the young reaper and was instantly attracted. One whole, dreadfully sickening year that Eric spent every day watching over Alan like a hawk, when he was free from reaping, of course. One year...that made Eric die a little inside with every passing second that ticked by slowly. Each passing day causing Eric to deny the fact that Alan would ever wake up... The thorns had really done a number on the younger man, and it was evident that Alan had only been pretending to deal with the fact that he was slowly dying.

Eric sighed deeply, running a hand through his dripping wet hair (it was raining outside) as he quickly made his way to the infirmary to see the man that plagued his thoughts and dreams on a regular basis. He could still feel Alan's lips melding with his own; could still feel the heat of Alan's breath fanning over his face with every sound he made. Eric still remembered everything Alan had said to him, from the moment Eric found him crumpled to the floor beside his bed and countless books scattered here and there.

'"Please...don't let me wake up!"'

Eric had then proceeded to tell Alan that he could take his mind off the pain he was constantly feeling, and of course, asked permission before doing the best thing he could have done in that moment for the younger reaper. The best thing he could think of.

'"I saw you...in my dream."'

But worst of all...Eric could still see the pained look on Alan's face as he fell to the floor in his haste to escape from Eric's home.

Eric walked past the reception area where another fellow reaper stood, chatting up the woman behind the desk. Ronald Knox was known to be quite the player, and seemingly had a new play toy about every other day, male or female. The young man was pretty good looking with his messy two-toned hair, thick-rimmed black glasses, and cheerful attitude. Eric had no time to deal with anyone else though, so he walked a little faster; he really wanted to see Alan. Wanted to look into those beautiful yellow-green eyes and run his fingers through that soft brown hair... Most of all...he just wanted Alan to wake up.

He started walking down the hallway to the right, and before long, found himself standing outside the room that Alan had been assigned to. Even though Eric wanted to see Alan, he couldn't move. His heart rate sped up as he replayed every second of the past year in his already spinning head, every day ending with the same damn result: Alan was not awake, and Eric was forced to return home alone. Pushing the thought away and closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and lifted his hand to open the door, but stopped when the door opened and a young woman stepped out. Upon spotting Eric, she simply smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder, then walked quietly away.

What was that...? Did something happen? Eric couldn't help but feel excitement pooling in his gut, but there was also a hint of confusion and hope. Swallowing deeply, Eric pulled the door open and when he stepped inside, his eyes landed on a very awake Alan who was standing beside the bed, which was neatly made up with fresh linens, and putting on his jacket. "A-Alan? When did you wake up? Are you alright?" Eric rushed over to the young reaper and before he could speak, wrapped his arms around Alan and kissed him passionately, running his fingers through Alan's soft brown hair and sighing into the kiss when he felt Alan's own arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer. It felt like a lifetime of pent-up longing and desire drained out of his body with that one breath-taking kiss, but Eric couldn't bring himself to stop. He never wanted it to end...this passion he was feeling. Alan's kiss was like a drug to Eric that he just wouldn't be able to live without. Finally, regretfully, Eric broke the kiss and pulled away to look into Alan's slightly glazed-over eyes, and with so many things that he knew he needed to say, he just couldn't seem to voice it. He didn't want to ruin this tender moment between the two of them...he had waited that whole entire year just to see Alan's eyes open and looking into his own with such adoration, and now that he could experience it again...

"Eric-san?"

Ah kami...that voice was like silk. Just the way Alan had said his name made Eric groan as he buried his face into the warm neck exposed to him, placing soft kisses on the skin underneath Alan's right ear. The older reaper smiled when he felt Alan tense, and could feel his groin stir when Alan gasped. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't help it. He pulled away slightly to whisper in Alan's ear. "Can I take ya home...?"

"Yes, I just need to talk to William-sempai first." Alan shuddered, and Eric could hear the slightest bit of lust in the younger man's voice as he spoke.

Eric grinned to himself, pleased that he was the one to make Alan forget about his illness, if only for a minute. He pushed Alan down to sit on the edge of the bed and kneeled down in front of him, slowly rubbing his hands up and down Alan's thighs. "Aw, can't that wait? Why don't you let me give you what I know you want, then you can go see him...?"

"E-Eric-san?!"

Eric opened his eyes, and found himself standing outside the room that Alan was in. Of course...he had been daydreaming. Call him a pansy, but he actually felt tears running down his face. Sighing defeatedly, Eric pushed the door open and quietly stepped inside. When he confirmed his fears and saw that Alan was not awake, his heart sank. It looked like Eric would be returning home alone again...

He walked over to the chair beside the bed and sat down heavily, not even knowing what to say. Eric always talked to Alan even though the younger man never responded. But now...Eric couldn't find his voice. So he just sat there, staring at the immobile man before him, thinking back to the first time he had seen Alan.

Alan had been on an assignment, alone of course, and seemed to be having trouble with the cinematic records that he was trying to successfully reap. Eric had watched, unsure of what to do when Alan had been caught off guard and his glasses had been knocked off. Eric was just about to jump in from his secluded hiding place to help the younger reaper when he saw the records fly towards Alan, but stopped when Alan stood up and, without his glasses, lifted his death scythe and slashed at the records, and was engulfed by a bright white light. Once the white light cleared, Eric could see that Alan had finished hi

s mission.

Eric had been awestruck. Just the way Alan had been moving, his form strong yet somehow graceful, was enough to have Eric aroused. Alan had then gone on to completely mesmerize Eric when he stood awkwardly in place atop the roof of the building he was on, and lifted his eyes to the full moon, wind rustling through the younger man's hair softly. From the short distance, Eric could see the slight frown forming over the young reaper's face as he closed his eyes, basking in the light of the moon.

Eric sighed and placed a hand on his head, gripping a handful of his wet hair and tightening his fist as he sat there weeping silently. If only he had taken better care of Alan... If only he hadn't kissed the younger reaper... If only... If only he had controlled himself. Alan would still be with him, completing missions and being happy and just getting through the rough parts of his life. And Eric would be there with him, making Alan happy and caring for him and making sure that Alan was well taken care of. Eric would always help Alan with the thorns inside him...although he feared that it would do no good. He had to do something to stop Alan's suffering...

"Oh Alan...if only you could just tell me what to do... Tell me that you need me, tell me that you want to keep living..." Eric sobbed quietly. "Please...just wake up, Alan. I need you...to wake up. I want to be the one to protect you until my very last breath. Just come back to me..." Eric stood up from the chair and reached out to Alan's hand, lifting it slowly to his chest. Then he ran a hand through Alan's dry hair and leaned down to place a soft kiss against the younger reaper's lips, and with a heavy heart, turned away from Alan's sleeping form, and stepped out of the room.

Eric had some thinking to do.

XXX

'What is this? Where...am I? It's so dark here. I feel like I'm fading away...my heart is beating so fast. The thorns wrap tighter around me...draining the life out of me.

I'm...scared...

Why can't I wake up? Am I dead already? Or am I just lost? It's hard to tell dreams from reality...but then I hear your voice.

It beckons to me, inside and out. Calls to me. Caresses me in warmth. The soft, but deep baritone of your voice fills me with something I've never known. Something that...I can't help but want more of. Your words flow into my soul, begging me to wake up. I scream to you. I extend my arms in front of me, hoping and praying that I will touch you. Pull you tight against my body and whisper all the things I want from you into your ear. And when my hands touch nothing but emptiness...

...I scream.

The thorns have me...they will always burrow deeper into my heart, stealing the soul that doesn't belong to them. And I'm helpless to stop it. I'm weak, and worthless, and nobody would care if I just disappeared.

Not even you.

Sen no tamashii ga... One thousand souls. Is that what my life is riding on? Something that doesn't even exist. You claimed that you wanted to spend every moment getting to know me, said you wanted to do things to me and show me things...so why must I rely on a myth?

I can feel my life fading away. These thorns inside me...are taking everything away from me.

My breath is ragged, my pulse is faint. Maybe this is it...

Maybe it's my time to die. My time to leave you before I even got to know you.

I want you to be strong... Don't dwell on the fact that I'm gone.

...I love you.'

Alan took a deep breath, sucking in the air around him eagerly as if he'd been under water for a very long time. He was slowly starting to register the faint beeps coming from beside him, and upon trying to lift his left arm, winced at the slight sting he felt. Looking down, he saw an I.V. stuck in his vein. He let his head fall back against the pillow and sighed. He remembered what had happened back at Eric's place, but couldn't for the life of him remember how he had gotten to the infirmary. He could feel his heart begin to beat slightly faster, and he clenched his right hand into a fist, closing his eyes as he tried to slow it down. "Calm down, idiot...there's no reason to-"

His yellow-green eyes shot open and he struggled to sit up, which only made the machine to his left ring out an alarm that would surely alert everyone within a twenty-mile radius. A fine sheen of sweat broke out on his face as his eyes darted around the room, speaking under his breath when nurses and doctors began quickly filing in to subdue him. "Eric...Eric? Eric!" He was screaming now, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as his tired eyes scanned the faces around him, searching for the one person he wanted to see. He could hear voices, some rushed, others a bit calmer, but he paid them no mind. The only voice he wanted to hear was Eric's. Hands grasped his arms to hold them down, a hand on his forehead to make him lie back, hands poking and prodding at every inch of him when he failed to calm down. Alan began to struggle harder, trying to get away from the people closing in on him. He was starting to feel confined, and it terrified him. He could feel wet tears sliding down his face as he was fussed over. "Eric...I need...Eric..." But his wishes fell on deaf ears as he was held down on the bed, his eyesight growing blurry after he felt a sharp sting in his arm, and then everything around him went black.

xxx

Alan woke to the sound of incessant chatter, scowling slightly because he recognized the voice to be none other than Grell. He had nothing against the overly-flamboyant older reaper, it's just that...the red head's voice gets annoying rather quickly. He opened his dry mouth to speak, but stopped when Grell continued chatting to whoever else was in the room. Alan closed his tired eyes; he truly wanted to be left alone right now. However, his need to get home and tend to his flowers outweighed the urge to be quiet. He was eager to see Eric... He wanted nothing more than to touch every inch of the older reaper's skin, feel warm breath against his face, feel Eric inside him...Wait. Back up. It seemed that he just couldn't control his raging thoughts anymore. There was no time to be imagining things like that... Alan groaned as he sat up slowly, using his weak arms to lift himself up. Surely he hadn't been in the infirmary that long so why...

"Ah, Alan-san! Be careful, you shouldn't be moving around too much." Grell ran forward to try to push Alan back down, but before he could, William's stern voice sounded from the corner of the room.

"Mr. Sutcliff, I do believe Alan would know when he was too weak to simply sit up. Leave him be, and please, for the love of God, keep your voice down. It grates on my nerves."

Grell pouted, but quickly recovered as he sent a wink at the older man. "That's not what you were saying last night, Will..."

William used one hand to push his glasses higher as he stepped closer to the bed Alan was on, uncaringly pushing the stuttering red-head out of his way. "Now, I will make this as quick as possible, Mr. Humphries. Do you recall what took place in which you had to come here?"

Alan wrapped his arms around himself and averted his eyes. "Uh, yes sir. I was at Eric-sempai's home..." Alan blushed as he remembered that night, and the kiss that Eric had given him. "Well, I had an episode and I, uh...I can't remember anything else, sir."

"Ah, you were with Eric-san? Do tell me, I need details!" Grell began to wiggle his body as he stood beside William, a stupid grin on his face.

William sighed. "Sutcliff, that is quite enough of your childish snickering. If you can't behave, I'll have to punish you again."

"Hmph. I can only hope..." Grell moved to the chair at the end of the bed and sat down, slight blush covcering his face as he fanned himself.

"As I was saying, yes, Eric told me everything. He was the one who brought you here. That was a year ago-"

"A year?! No, that can't be right..." Alan's eyes widened in shock, and he could feel his heartbeat speeding up. "You're telling me that I've been in the infirmary for a whole year?" Alan couldn't believe it... He began to shake. His hands grew sweaty, and his pulse was racing. A year...

William continued to speak. "Yes, it has been a year. And I know that you are more than ready to get home, but there is something else I need to inform you of. Eric has been missing for six months. He came to see you one last time, and when he left here, he came to me saying that he had to find a way to help you. When I asked what he meant, he ignored my requests and left the Shinigami Dispatch Headquarters. Nobody has seen or heard from him since that night." The older man pushed his glasses up once again and stepped towards the door, dragging Grell with him. "I thought maybe, since he was spending so much time watching over you, that maybe you would know something of what he plans to do. But it seems that you are just as clueless as I am. Anyway, I have already informed the nurses here that you will be checking out and returning home. However, you will not need to report in to headquarters until I inform you otherwise. You are to do everything in your power to remain relaxed, and avoid anything strenuous that may send you into another attack like this last one. Is that understood?"

Alan nodded absent-mindedly as his boss stepped out of the room, leaving the younger man to his thoughts.

xxx

-On the Streets of London-

You will feel no pain when I kill.

The moon hung high in the night sky and the breeze was cool, ruffling through the man's hair as he awaited his next victim that would be walking through the dark alley any second now.

It will be over quickly.

The man could hear shuffled footsteps growing closer, so he grabbed his death scythe and slunk through the shadows quietly. He knew this was wrong but...to help the one he loved...it had to be done.

Your screams may pierce through the night but...don't be afraid.

The blade flew through the air, slicing into the body that had just walked around the corner. A loud scream rang through the night, blood poured onto the ground, and a bright white light emitted from the limp body, the cinematic records of the young woman's life projected onto the walls around them. With a final movement, the tip of the blade sliced through the records, pulling the scenes in so fast that it was almost unseen. When all was quiet again, the man jumped into the air, landing on the roof of the nearest building with a soft sigh, a single tear sliding down his cheek.

"Five-hundred."

XXX

-One week later-

Alan was pacing the floor in his bedroom. He was so frustrated and lonely and...he just couldn't seem to find something to do to occupy himself in his time away from reaping. He was scared beyond belief. Without Eric, he felt vulnerable. Unwanted. Like a nuissance. He fell to his knees, both hands placed against the floor and he cried. Loud, erratic sobs that filled the silence of the room. This was an everyday thing. Never once has there been a day when Alan was truly happy. Never a night when he didn't cry himself to sleep wishing, hoping, that Eric would return to him. When the thorns weren't constricting his heart, it was still hurting. It felt as if it would crack and break into a million tiny pieces, never to be whole again. Alan slammed a hand against the floor, took a deep breath, and screamed. For several long seconds that felt like minutes, he cried out, until his voice began cracking. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. He needed Eric, now more than ever. Needed to be reminded that he was special, and not just on this planet to reap souls. On several occasions, Alan woke from an unrelenting nightmare in which he was going to die before he ever saw Eric again. And more than once waking from the memory of how it felt when Eric had kissed him so passionately. That was worse than any nightmare he could ever have...the memory always left him feeling a bit...odd. It always left him with a strange feeling stirring within him, and when he would look down between his legs, could clearly see the hardness that always came with the memory. Alan was no idiot, he knew what it meant. But...without Eric...he felt no need to do anything about his painfully erect member. Most nights, he would just close his eyes tightly and ignore it until it went away. But some nights, Alan would just stare at the slight bulge beneath his pants. Wishing that he could just touch it and see what it would feel like... Even in the shower, he would ignore the feelings within him. Although it was hard to ignore, Alan didn't think that he should give in. If it ever came to that, he would rather it be with Eric.

"Why...w-why can't I just..." Alan sobbed quietly now, fingers tightening into his dull, lifeless brown hair. "Why can't I just forget you...?" He spoke softly into the darkness of his bedroom, his only company being the flowers that seemed to know that Alan was self-destructing. They would bob and their leaves would rustle even when there was no air. He loved it. It made him feel like he could get through anything.

Except this. Being without Eric. Alan had felt no greater pain than the emptiness he felt when Eric was nowhere near him. Even the thorns piercing his heart didn't hurt this bad anymore. He had grown so used to pain...he felt like a part of his soul died. Never in his long life had he imagined that he would be so head-over-heels for someone, that he felt like dying. Not to mention the fact that Alan hadn't even spent an entire day with the older reaper, and they had kissed. A truly wonderful kiss that still made Alan's toes curl from just the thought.

Alan could feel the weariness weighing down on his fragile body, so he tried to stand up, only to fall back to his knees. He tried crawling, but even that proved to be impossible as his arms gave out beneath him and he hit the floor, landing with a pained groan and buried his face in the velvety-soft rug and closed his eyes, hoping that for once, his dreams would be free of Eric's face.

xoxo

Oh, Alan...I have missed you.

"E-Eric? Where- where are you...? It's so dark here..."

I'm right behind you.

"But...I don't see you..."

Then open your eyes...Please open them for me?

Alan woke with a start, eyes scanning the darkness around him as he slowly tried to push himself up off the floor. Of course, he had to dream about Eric again... Alan sighed as he got to his knees and placed his head in his hands. "Was it really a dream? His voice...it sounded to real. So close..." He spoke quietly into the dreadful silence of the room.

"...Alan?"

There it is again. I can't...Why won't it just go away? Haven't I had enough of the pain...? The pain of dealing with this hell? The pain of being without you? I 'll never be free from this pain...

"Alan, please look at me."

"NO! I won't... I know this is just a dream. You're not here!" Alan cried aloud, using one hand to wipe away his tears and the other to clutch his chest just over his heart. "Don't you see what you're doing to me? What you've done...?"

Suddenly, he was bathed in warmth. Strong arms wrapped possessively around his shuddering body, and he could feel warm breath on his neck. Alan looked down at the arms holding him so tightly and gasped when he felt breath fanning against his ear.

"I'm so sorry, Alan... I'm sorry that I made you deal with this hell without me."

"Eric? Is this...I mean, are you...?"

Eric chuckled lightly, the sound going straight between Alan's shaking legs. "Yes, I'm here. I never truly left you. I've always been watching over you, even though you didn't see me. And tonight..." Eric leaned in closely to brush his lips against the back of Alan's neck, drawing a breathy moan that escaped from his slightly parted lips . "Tonight, I'm gonna make you mine."

Alan didn't even have the chance to speak before he was lifted off the ground and carried to the bed, where Eric set him down gently and climbed on top of him. His mind had turned to mush the moment he felt soft lips grazing the side of his neck, letting out a soft moan as his legs fell open wider to allow Eric to move between them. He felt hands rubbing erotically down his sides and against his stomach and hips and thighs...everywhere Eric touched him erupted in fiery sparks that left Alan burning with desire. He held on to Eric's right shoulder with his left hand and slid his right hand up the back of the older reaper's neck, tangling his fist into the soft hair and giving a harsh tug. When he heard the heated groan that left the other man, Alan pulled Eric closer and plastered their lips together in a searing kiss that neither one tried to dominate. Alan opened his mouth, sliding his tongue out to taste Eric's. As soon as they touched, Alan moaned loud, rolling his hips up to meet Eric's and loving the friction he felt between their bodies. This was better than any dream he ever had, and he feared that if he opened his eyes, it would all disappear. After countless nights of sensual dreams that left him sweating and panting and aching to just give in to the pleasure and touch himself...he didn't want to ruin this moment by looking at the man that was showering his body with affection that he had never felt before. When he felt a hand slide between his legs, Alan actually screamed. Not a scream like he was in pain, but a scream that told all of what he was feeling. A scream that ended in a sexy moan that left himself speechless. He said nothing as he grabbed Eric's hand, the same hand that just ghosted over his aching groin, and placed it over himself, holding it firmly in place. Alan tossed his head back, letting it fall against the pillow as he tightened his grip on Eric's hand and began to rub them in circular motions, the sensations coursing through him were new and foreign, but he didn't care. It felt good, and he never wanted it to end. "Aaahh...that feels..." Alan gasped when Eric's hand tightened, squeezing softly through his pants, the movement catching the younger man off guard. A few more light but firm squeezes, and Alan came. Hard. "Ah! E-Eric..."

Eric looked at the younger man beneath him, slightly shocked at how quickly Alan had come undone, a smile ghosting over his face. "Alan...have you ever touched yourself?"

Alan shook his head lazily, eyes still closed tightly. "N-no...never..." He was panting lightly and sweat was sliding down his face, causing his bangs to stick to his forehead. No matter what Eric said to him, he wouldn't open his eyes. This was too amazing to let it all fall apart if he did.

"Look at me."

"I can't...I don't want this dream to go away..."

Eric's expression softened and he leaned down to place a soft kiss against Alan's cheek. "Alan...you're not dreaming. I've waited such a long time to see your beautiful eyes open and looking into mine...please, will you open them?"

So Alan opened his eyes. Eric did not vanish into darkness; the older man's warm hands never left Alan's slender thighs. Eric watched Alan intently, lifting one hand to place a finger under the younger reaper's chin. They sat like that for a while longer, when finally, Alan kissed Eric again, wrapping both arms around the other man's neck and pulling him close. Within the next few moments, Alan was completely naked underneath the older reaper, his body shivering from the coolness of the air. Eric had only removed his tie, shirt, and jacket, but Alan didn't have time to wonder why Eric was not naked as he was a bit preoccupied by the hot mouth working over his aching cock. His legs had turned to jelly and were spread completely apart, he was fisting the sheets with both hands, and his voice had begun to crack from all the moaning and grunting he had done. He felt Eric's tongue licking over his balls each time the older man reached the base, then would bob his head faster and suck harder. It was one particularly hard suck that sent violent spasms through Alan's body, and he released himself into Eric's mouth. "Aaaahhh...yes..." He didn't know how much more he could take...his body was a sweaty, sticky mess, and yet Eric was still showering it with love and affection. Then he felt his legs being lifted, and when he opened his eyes to see what was going on, Eric had placed one leg on each of his broad shoulders. "E-Eric?"

"You must relax now. I don't want this to hurt you."

Alan tried to still his beating heart; he didn't want to ruin this moment with another attack. But still, he managed to relax, letting his head fall to the pillow behind him. His mind was cloudy, his heart was racing, and he couldn't hold back his scream when he felt one of Eric's fingers prodding at his tight hole. The finger slid slowly inside, pushing past the hot rings of muscle at an agonizing pace, and Alan cried out at the feeling. It was...well, even though it was painful, Alan couldn't help but want more. He was new to this, and he didn't want it to be over quickly, but...when he felt a second finger slide in with the first, he moaned loud, digging his heels into the backs of Eric's shoulders. The pain started to ebb until a third finger entered him, sliding deeper and deeper until they brushed up against something, causing Alan to cry out again, only this time it wasn't from the pain. "Aaah, Eric...w-what...was that?"

"Does it feel good?" Eric pulled all three fingers out slowly, only to shove them back in quickly, and Alan almost lost himself again.

"Please..." Alan gasped and writhed beneath the older reaper, trying to angle his hips to allow the digits to go deeper inside his trembling body. "Please, Eric...I...I want..."

"You want...?" Eric lifted one of Alan's legs off his shoulder and into the air, pushing it forward until it was straight up and down, then began thrusting his fingers in and out faster, jabbing at that sensitive bundle of nerves that left Alan panting and gasping for air. "Tell me, Alan."

Alan opened his eyes, looking directly into Eric's. "I want you...inside me."

The next few moments went by in a blur: Eric removed his fingers and then tossed his pants aside, letting his erection free to bob in the air as he spit into one hand, using it to lube himself up the best he could. Not wasting another second, he lined himself up at Alan's warm, inviting hole, pushing past the tight walls with a heated groan. "Damn, Alan..." The older man let out a breath when he was finally in as far as he could go, not wanting to hurt Alan, but also wanting to just let go and pound into the younger man beneath him. So Eric pulled out slowly and was in the middle of thrusting back in when Alan lifted his hips off the bed and spread his legs further apart, allowing Eric's hard cock slide in deeper. "Ah, shit...Alan, do that again."

Alan did as he was told, and both men groaned. It felt so good, but Alan needed more. Wanted more. "Eric, faster...please..." They were both sweating and panting, Alan more than Eric, and Alan could feel the thorns inside him start to constrict around his heart with each ragged breath he took. The sounds Eric was making, the way his brows were drawn together, his mouth hanging open slightly as the older man surged himself in and speared that sensitive spot deep inside him...it was more than Alan could ever want. His back arched off the bed when he grabbed his own painful erection and began to furiously pump it in time with the older reaper's wild, rough thrusts. The bed was slamming against the wall with loud thuds, creaking under the weight of both men as they both grew closer to their limits. Alan jerked himself off faster; almost... "Nnngghh...Eric! Right there!" He felt that sweet spot being hit over and over, his eyes rolled back into his head, his screams drowning out the sound of the bed hitting the wall. Alan could feel his dick harden, and one more harsh jab to his prostate sent the younger man over the edge. He came, his fluids coming out in long spurts that covered both their chests. Alan dug his nails into Eric's back when he realized the man wasn't stopping. "E-Eric...?"

The older man grunted as he fucked Alan faster and harder, sweat dripping off his body onto Alan's. "Can ya hold on...a little longer?"

Alan nodded and was instantly flipped onto his stomach, his ass being lifted into the air as Eric pounded him continuously. Alan moaned louder, his toes curling as his ass was thoroughly explored, wishing that things could be like this all the time. The way Eric had just appeared out of nowhere and almost immediately started doing things to Alan...was like a dream come true. He felt a hand on the back of his neck wrapping firmly around it, and he started to shake. What is he doing? Is he...going to hurt me? Alan began to panic slightly, but calmed a bit when he heard Eric's voice.

"Alan...I'm coming..."

One last thrust and Eric released himself into the younger man, tossing his head back and literally growled into the darkness of the room from the force of his orgasm. Nothing in all his life had ever felt that amazing... When the last of the violent tremors subsided, Eric slowly pulled out of the abused hole, careful not to hurt the smaller man in the process. He eased himself down beside Alan and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. "Alan...I think I love you..."

"Mmm..." was all that was heard as Alan let out a soft breath. The younger man had already fallen asleep. Eric chuckled softly and leaned down to place a soft kiss to Alan's swollen lips, then pulled back to watch the younger reaper sleep, and wondered if this was the first real sleep he had gotten. Eric wished he could stay. He never wanted to leave Alan's side, but there were still some things Eric had to do.

He hated the fact that he knew Alan would be waking up alone.


End file.
